DAY 1: PHOENIX, ARIZONA TO JOSHUA TREE, CALIFORNIA

Jim and Matt come up from Tucson on Thursday morning, while Jae waits until Saturday morning to make the trip from Tucson to Phoenix on account of a wedding he wants to attend. The trip from Phoenix to Joshua tree will be done at night, as the scenery is boring and the daytime temperatures are high. Saturday at 12 midnight Jim and Matt wake from a brief nap and proceed to Jae’s house. Despite getting lost, they eventually locate Jae’s house. In the driveway they are greeted by Jae’s entire family – one family member, worried that the car is old, remarked “Look – it’s a Honda” in reference to the Maroon 1984 Honda Accord that Matt hopes can bring them 2,000 miles up to Seattle and beyond. After a detour across Phoenix, the trio stops at a Fry’s Grocery store and loads up on soda, cookies, and other snack food. Matt drives the first 100 miles out of Phoenix, and Jim takes over at the I-10 rest stop. However, Matt neglected to pick up his Keebler fudge stripe cookies off the driver’s seat and Jim gets a big chocolate stain on is tuckuses – earning his honorific title of “chocolate – ass.” While Jae attempts to sleep in the back seat, Matt languishes in a semi-conscious state until the first rays of sun streak across the eastern sky, bathing the southern California desert in a soft pink glow.

The three traveling companions drive up into the southern end of Joshua Tree National Park only to find an abandoned Ranger station. Traveling north into the park, the Joshua Trio (Matt, Jim, and Jae) drive past the sloping alluvial fans into the windswept expanse of the Pinto Basin. After photographing each other in somber U2 poses, like those seen in the Joshua Tree album, the three settle into the car to sleep. However, Matt wakes from a restful sleep with a gigantic turd churning between his cheeks. He must relieve himself. He is agog that no toilet paper is around – he grabs the most makeshift thing he can find – a plastic bag. Like Jim, Matt soon earns the nickname “Plastic-bag-ass.” The day in Joshua Tree is spent climbing angular, granite cliffs in the wonderland of rocks, and exploring the tremendous vistas that adorn the northern end of the park. After choosing a campsite in a secluded corner of the park, Matt and Jae try to sleep in the tent, which is constantly being buffeted by high winds – Jim has chosen a shaded boulder to take his afternoon nap on. Soon the temperature in the tent begins to rise, prompting Matt and Jae to go find Jim. Jim is found, and he tells how he saw two hungry crows eat the entire bag of O’Boises potato chips that Jae left, anchored by a log, on the picnic table. Dinner is hot dogs ($3.69 per pack) roasted over charcoal. Matt eats too many and has to drink many quarts of water to equalize his salt balance.